In the Light of Sorrow

Finally, I got a chance to write again.

Well, to be completely honest, the chance always there. It’s just me being lazy too busy during the day and night. Many things happen after 2 years and I got to experienced wonderful, wonderful lessons in my post fresh-graduate year. Until a good friend of mine reminded me that it would be a waste of potential to keep the lessons to myself. There might be someone out there, who might see that our experiences may prevent him/her to decide what he/she is going to do with his/her life. It may say otherwise, though. There could be, someone, out there, looking for the opportunity I have. Wishing to have experiences like I had…who might see that our stories is somewhat moving to them. Something that give a sense of inspiration to do the same, or even better for their life.

In this case, I am partially disagree with her. This dialogues below pretty much sums up my thoughts:

No Reservation Movie

“No Reservation” (2007)

“Kate: I wish there was a cookbook for life, you know? Recipes telling us exactly what to do. I know, I know, you’re gonna say “How else will you learn, Kate.”

Therapist: mm. No, actually I wasn’t going to say that. You want to guess again?

Kate: No, no, go ahead.

Therapist: Well what I was going to say was, you know better than anyone, it’s the recipes that you create yourself that are the best.”

Truth is, what happen to me would not exactly happen to you. What happen to you, might not exactly happen to me. If it does happen though, the experience, the emotions, the tiny little things that forms our overall experience will taste differently because you and I are different. Thus, the best life stories are the best one we create. Because we are the best writer of our own life.

However, here is the tricky part.

In order to create the best stories, we must set the best plot, the best actors, the best place and the list goes on. We want to get the best in order to create the best – aren’t we all? The thing is, we can’t decide if it’s the best if we have not reach the end of the tunnel. We can’t assess whether or not we have given our best decision until we see what happen next. So how do we know that we have done your best, give our best, and probably, be the best we can be?

The answer is: we never know.

We never know until we connect every single dots, not from where we stand now..but when we stand later in the future (at least that what Steve Jobs said). This might be a sad truth given the circumstances that success now does not determine success in the future. In contrary, failing now is also does not determine failure in the future. See the balance?

Whenever I am exposed with options, I used to assess them from A-Z, thoroughly, carefully. Sometimes it takes a really long time until I feel that one letter which becomes my best options among all. Then I thought, I had chosen the best decision at that moment. But time goes on and on, until I found that one..or maybe two, maybe more…things are not working like I wish them to be. It’s like walking on a sidewalks when you think the road are going to be flawlessly smooth but then you find holes in the center of the sidewalks, or maybe a shattered bricks then you thought..I shouldn’t have to take this road.

So here’s my substantial point. There are no such perfect road.

The one we thought would be our best path doesn’t mean it comes without a risk of disappointment that something are not like what we wish them to be (and it’s a big deal!). It comes without a notice and we just thought in a second that we might have chosen the wrong options. We may take a blame on everything including ourselves until we did not realize that we are actually undermining ourselves to be the best writer of our own stories. We forget that conflicts and resolutions are the essential part of the story. We forget that nothing will stays the same. We assume too much and ended up dissatisfied.

I learn this through experience (although my best friend – the one I love very dearly warned me many times). I learn this in pain until I realize I might hurt myself and it’s harder to get myself back afterwards. I learn through sorrow and sacrifices…and I thank God for this lessons in life – finally, I am able to outgrow myself into a better person.

After all, in the light of sorrow, I decided to count my blessings. I decided to enjoy the road and I decided to accept what life has to offer. I made peace with myself. I decided not to let myself fall for disappointment. I might change the roads I’ve been taken, I do not know. But for now, I got a plan. I don’t know if it will bring me to a delighted resolutions but we’ll see. I believe in change. I believe that both waiting and doing something has its own risks. I choose the latter.

Who knows that maybe, this dots will connect me into something new and beautiful, something I will be more grateful for 🙂 ***

Feature Image: Joel Henry. Unsplash.

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